1. Who are you, good sir?

My name is Dan Ashwood, and I am a product of the suburban upper-mid west. I never moved while growing up; my dad has lived in the same house for upwards of fifty years. This very same dad has previously been (amongst other things) an actor, singer, commercial artist, middle- and high-school art teacher, seargeant, set designer, handyman, and at one point in the 1980's, professional kakelugn constructor. The kakelugn thing didn't work out for two different reasons:

A faulty grout formula, and
My dad's tremendously loud snoring, and its capacity to strain relationships with in-laws.

At one point in the 1950's, he lost the tip of a finger while operating a button press. It was unwarranted--despite the loud snoring thing, my dad is too nice a person to everhave the tip of a finger robbed from him.

My mother was previously (amongst other things) an actress, singer, model, waitress, community theater manager, secretary, receptionist, and high potential resource facilitator. She met my father a few years after the death of his first wife while the two were performing together in a Gershwin revue. Her parents, though initially skeptical of the quarter century age difference, soon grew comfortable with my father's interest, partially because he's such a nice guy, partically because of the support of my mother's two sisters, one brother, and their respective husbands and wives, and partially because hey, he already has a house I guess. If that last reason seems kinda weird, consider that my grandfather met by grandmother by offering her some milk on a street corner, and that such an action, at the time, was a suspicious overture. They got married because of it. By the early 1980's, my mother gave birth to my older brother, now a Manhattanite, and five and a half years later, to me. She died in 1999, and it was horrible.

This brother and I generally got along pretty well. I bit him once over a board game. It was a mistake. We used to play Sonic the Hedgehog video games, but my interest in those outpaced his by the time he went to middle school, and the fact that we were in disparate age groups probably prevented us from doing the typical brothers-hanging-out-a-whole-lot-as-kids thing. For the past few years, the age difference isn't as big of a deal, but geography/his job/my going to school have been. He's a cool guy, and I wish I saw him more.

I go to school at Harvard. There, I learn a great many things about a great many things but especially things about film, animation, and video. Also english. I draw things for the Harvard Lampoon, and I record music things and stuff.

2. What is this?

This is a website I made. A while ago, it was located elsewhere and was called "The Failure of a Vast Network." It went a while without an update and collected lots of dust. So, conceding that the title was silly and that the scope of the site was not what I wanted it to be, I redesigned it in June 2008. Now it has pictures and sounds! Whoa!

3. I need to contact you! How can I contact you? I need to contact you!

Whoa! Calm down!

I am easily reachable at dan [dot] ashwood [at] gmail [dot] com.

If you're pretty sure you know me, I have a facebook account.

If you think you kinda maybe know me, or if don't know me but you have interest in my music, I also have a myspace music account that makes me feel vaguely dirty and itchy.

4. Can I buy/commission anything from you?

You probably can. Drop me a line! Also, I have two Virtual Boys. Do you want to buy a Virtual Boy?

5. Stanislov Petrov?

Saved the world from nuclear annihilation in 1983. Supposedly.